love letter to erik #9

hello my love,

slept fitfully again last night. nothing to worry about, the usual sleeplessness before a morning flight. finally got all the documents i need yesterday so i'll be leaving for kuala lumpur, where i'll wait for more documents. then friday morning, i'll get on a flight bound for tokyo, then a flight to los angeles. should be touching ground there around 11:30am. thinking i won't feel the usual sense of elation at being back "home," but will try not to dwell on that now or else it will be an even longer journey.

so many people are asking about the service, wanting to attend, feeling a need for closure. i'll remind them that this will be a simple affair at a date and time to be determined, to return your body to the sea from where it came. your soul has already returned to heaven from where it came. i'll remind them that you did not want a service to mourn your death, but rather a wake to celebrate your life. at a later time, when we can all remember you with more laughter than tears, we'll get together for a big ole party or a series of parties, which is what you preferred.

already there have been so many mini-wakes, tributes and celebrations! you should see what your friends have been posting on Facebook. the photos and videos have been such a huge help for me to see you as a living, breathing lover of life, who truly lived to the max. it's been so helpful in getting rid of the images in my head of those last few days in the hospital after that final infection took hold, and changed your physical appearance, disfigured your beautiful body in unspeakable ways. i imagine it's helping them as well because digging up old photos, watching videos of you, crying and laughing at the same time, can be so cathartic, so healing.

soon i'll see you on the other side of the ocean, and we'll get on a boat together, one last time, set sail and look for dolphins as we've done so many times before.

soon erik. soon…

xo talor