my dearest love,
woke up around 4am in tears again. it was right around the time when you took your last breath one week ago. at that moment, all i wanted to do was crawl into bed with you and wished you would take me too in your wings because i simply could not comprehend what the day would be like, nevermind a week, a month, a year, without you. i stayed and wept great big heaving sobs as i put my head on your chest listening for one more heartbeat. massaged you all over your body as i'd done everyday since i arrived. kissed your face over and over again, and couldn't leave even though i knew your soul had taken flight. the nurses gently lead me to their office and sat me down, and i felt an indescribable weariness, and yet, it was everything i could do to stop myself from running back to hold your broken body one last time. during the walk home, kept telling myself it's just your body. your soul is now flying to heaven. it's just your body…
today your body is in kuala lumpur, awaiting more paperwork and preparation for the long flight to the states. although i had originally wanted to journey with you, one last time together, i need to stay behind to do more paperwork. you see, i'm in a part of the world that still deals in paper and cash, sort of a time warp, which is nostalgic but also frustrating at the same time. the bureaucracy here is no greater than anywhere else, it's just that i can't do anything electronically from the comfort of home. i find myself being shuttled from window to window to pay, to get a stamp on a document, etc. really can't complain though because they have made so many special concessions for me and continue to do so. they are working as quickly as they can, and i anticipate meeting you in lax sometime over the weekend. wait a minute, it's not you, it's just your body. right, it's just your body…
soon after, we'll set sail for the burial at sea. your body will be simply covered by a shroud, which is what you wanted. friends and family have been asking about the service, when, where, how and whether they can come. i will tell everyone the details when they are firm, and i will also tell everyone how much you hated funerals, how much you hated seeing anyone cry. you said you preferred a wake or a series of small wakes that celebrates your life, not a service that mourns your death because, as we agreed, it's just the body. it's just the body…
already there are so many tributes to you! the photos on facebook, the photos being emailed to me, the plans by the fellas, the paris group, pom pom, the list goes on and on. it's a testament to just how loved you are, and i can see your soul becoming ever brighter and beaming back at us your beautiful smile of approval, toasting us as we're toasting you.
i know it's just your body, but oh! how i miss your body…
xo talor
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