love letter to erik #4

dearest beautiful angel,

day #4 and i'm still ok, in fact, getting better. yes, i still cry, but less than before. now i'm sitting and wondering what life will be like once we depart, you and i, for the long journey back to the states, which will be soon.

this whole experience has been so surreal… from the moment i put down the phone in freo after speaking to the doctor in tawau, to the sleepless night in kuala lumpur while i waited for the next plane to here, to the shock of seeing you for the first time in icu bed #7, to the love pouring in from around the world, to your pom pom tribe catering to my every need and singing you songs bedside, to the countless smiles i got everyday, to watching your continued fight, to the miraculous opening of your eyes, to the devastating new infection taking over, to feeling your last breath and everything that came afterwards, i feel like i'm watching a movie that makes me cry uncontrollably, laugh til my belly hurts, jump for joy with elation, scream because it hurts so bad, and cry some more because there's nothing else i can do.

i've lost track of the days and time here. find it hard to believe it's been nearly 4 weeks. the thought of leaving brings a massive lump to my throat. you see, this has become my home away from home, which begs the question, "where is home?" it's a fairly common question we got during our travels, and always found it difficult to answer, hard to explain as we told people we are "homeless." but that's not true, is it? home is where the heart is. don't know who said it, where it came from, or whether i even truly felt it before, but now i do.

home is the place where i feel welcome, where i feel i can let my very short hair down, and be me with no judgments, no conditions. it is a very special place where i am embraced by love, where i smile and people return the smile, where i can see beauty all around even amongst the dirt, open sewage, and garbage everywhere. the brilliantly colorful butterflies, the exotic monitor lizards, and the smiliest people in the world, all call this place their home so who am i to judge? they are happier here than most people i've seen in my travels. so despite my complaints of the heat, humidity, and mosquitos, i've come to love this place and have come to call it HOME and am really going to miss it.

i want to thank you for bringing me here. if it weren't for you, i'd have missed out on all this and that would have truly been a shame.

love you to eternity and beyond…

xo talor

p.s., yesterday, the pom pom boys (kevin "brad pitt" and chris "ice cube") brought more smiles to the families of the icu patients with candy, drinks and photo ops!