love letter to erik #1

hey my love,

did you make it to heaven alright? hope there wasn't too much turbulence. saw the size of your wings so i have no doubt you were able to handle anything on your journey back. how was the celebratory feast? did you get your share of pizza or were you too busy making sure all the others got some first? how much beer did you drink? thank goodness you're now in a place where there's no such thing as food allergies or hangovers, huh?

i want you to know that i am ok, really. yes i have moments when i sit and wonder how i'm going to live without you, how i'm going to manage without my lover, my champion, the fixer of my electronic gadgets, but with time, the pain will no longer be unbearable. With time, i will figure out how to put more credits on my sim card.

i want to thank you for coming into my life and sharing the last 13 years with me. of course it was way too short and i wish for more. you know i'm just greedy like that. but, i'm here to tell you it was waaaay better to have had that time together than none at all. yes, my heart is broken straight down the middle and weeps even as i write this, but there are both tears of sorrow and tears of joy. sorrow because i miss you more than i can say, and joy because i know you are home and free of pain, worries, stress, struggles or doubts. i take a lot of comfort in that.

also want to thank you for trying so damned hard to come back to us. spurred on by the love of everyone here, you showed super human strength and courage that amazed the doctors of hospital tawau's icu. they scratched their heads and said they had no clue how you were managing to recover despite the multiple blows you took from the infection. i know how painful it was for you to keep fighting, but you did, and set yourself up as a model for all of us to follow, a clear message to never give up trying. as usual, you were not content to sit on your laurels, and kept setting the bar higher and higher for yourself. you are my inspiration to, not just dream, but to go out and fulfill those dreams, to live, truly live life to the fullest and to be the best that i can be.

i know in the end, the call of the angels to come back to heaven was much too strong, and you finally agreed, but still you gave me enough time to say everything i wanted before you left, and i am ever so grateful for that. now there is no room in my heart for regrets nor will there ever be for the risks we took to live unconventional lives. we chose to live this way with eyes wide open and that led to so many crazy cool adventures. i wouldn't trade those precious moments for anything. i will continue our journey to seek out new and exciting places to go, people to meet, food to eat, and dogs to pet. i will look for your smile in every sunset.

see you soon, erik…

xo talor

p.s., did you like the song i picked out for you?