love letter to erik #8

my beautiful angel,

each morning, have taken to turning on my phone to see your smile and feel thankful for all the positive changes you've brought into my life. been a month since i arrived here and so much has changed, but change is good, right? we always said it's better to go with the flow than stay still and struggle for sameness no matter how comfortable and safe it feels. it's a losing battle thinking we could since nothing stays the same, everything is temporary, and we should embrace every moment, every encounter, every breath. carpe diem!

in the blink of an eye, i went from happy-go-lucky without a care in the world, waking up each morning looking forward to the day, to opening my eyes and closing them again, hoping and praying for a different reality, wondering how i'm going to get through the day without you. it helps me immensely to write these letters to you because i have no expectation of an immediate reply. i find that when i sit and whisper to you, i long to hear your deep, rich, reassuring voice talking back to me. i know it's coming, i know soon i'll get to a quiet place where we can have a chat without the distractions of paperwork, mosquitos, flight planning, etc.

thirty days have passed, have come and gone since i first arrived. so amazing how time flies whether we're having fun or not. we discovered that very quickly after pre-tiring. we thought we'd have all the time in the world, we could go at a leisurely pace, there'd be no stress, and we could fit everything we wanted into each day. instead we found time went even faster, found ourselves rushing even more, felt the constant pressure of the tick-tock, tick-tock. why is that?

wonder if it's because we tend to fill in those empty spaces of time, always racing to be more productive rather than just being, enjoying the moment, the minute, the hour, the day, reveling in the fact that there is very little that we have to do, very little that we should be doing. we know we need air, clean water, healthy food to maintain our physical well being. we also need to love and be loved for our spiritual well being, and then everything else falls into place.

that's what i'll focus on today as i wait and i wait and i wait and i wait. last couple of days, i've been trying to get back to normal, to spend my time doing those things that help me be in the moment, the activities (chores you'd call them) that i've always turned to to take a break from the constant chatter in my head. sweeping, cooking, doing laundry are all things i need to do anyway as i wrap up and prepare to leave. i'm multi-tasking you see.

equally important is the human contact. the conversations with chris, the ladies at the cafe, the accommodating folks at the hotel, the strangers i exchange smiles with, the friendly cats in the street, the ever huggable rose at the hospital, the emails with family and friends that help me stay connected no matter where they are. i've come to rely on all of this to help me get through the day as i wait and i wait and i wait and i wait…

xo t