love letter to erik #17

my husband,

yesterday had a case of the pre-trip jitters… wondered what i'm doing, why am i going to st. john's? am i running away or running to? had yet another moment of fear, doubt, uncertainty, and thought can i do this? alone? 

then you planted an idea in my head…

for so long, i lamented the fact that we didn't exchange rings when we got married because we planned on getting tattoos, thinking it would be more permanent. when we went to several tattoo artists, they all said it wasn't a good idea explaining tattoos on fingers wash off very quickly. we tried to come up with a design for a different part of our bodies, but after doing a bit of research, found out that the inks may be toxic so we abandoned that idea and decided to look for rings. well, as with other things, we let life take over and never got around to it.

so as you suggested, i ran out to a jeweler with your ring in my hand, the ring you always wore, and had it resized. back here, i re-married you! had the little blue monster you gave me before you left for pom pom slip the ring on my finger as i recited a little ditty…

with this ring i thee wed again
for you are my love and my best friend.
thank you much for a beautiful time.
you made life on earth so sublime.
when i join you in the heavenly world,
we'll kiss, we'll hug, we'll dance and twirl.
til then you'll forever be in my heart,
always there no matter how far apart

laughed to myself as i'm sure you were laughing too, but once i did, something magical happened… the ring on my finger fit so snugly, so perfectly, as if it were meant to be. i closed my eyes and watched as we re-tied the knot of our red string, super tight so it will never unravel. i felt you gently touch my cheek then my heart, and saw the string that ties us together from heaven to earth fluttering in the wind. did you see it too?

afterwards i felt much much better and not so scared anymore. i know what i said, that i wanted to go it alone, make a new start, words of bravado i didn't really mean. i'm just not ready to be without you, but with this ring on my finger, i feel like i'm not by myself, feel you with me.

this time, however, as i leave for st. john's, i'll plot out the course and take the lead, alright? i'll be counting on you though to be by my side, to be my navigator. are you ready? ok, let's go make some new memories…

thanks for being with me,

xo talor

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